Situationship: what it means, the signs, and how to move on

A situationship is a romantic relationship that neither person has defined or committed to. You see each other, text every day and may sleep together, but you aren’t officially partners and you don’t talk about the future. It suits some people. If you want something lasting, the way out is one direct conversation, and walking away if the answer is no.

Steade is a dating service for people who want a committed relationship, so we have a point of view here. Definitions and figures are linked to their sources and were checked on 1 November 2026. If you think something here is wrong, email hello@steade.app.

What a situationship means

The Oxford Learner’s Dictionary defines a situationship as “a romantic relationship in which the couple are not official partners” (Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries). The word joins “situation” and “relationship”. It sits between casual dating and a relationship: more than meeting now and then, less than a shared plan.

A situationship isn’t the same as the first weeks of dating. Early dating is undefined too, but both people expect to decide one way or the other soon. A situationship stays undefined for months, and often one person would like it to change.

Signs you’re in a situationship

• There’s no label, and asking for one feels risky. You avoid “what are we?” because you’re afraid of the answer.
• There are no plans beyond the next week or two. Holidays, birthdays and the new year aren’t discussed.
• You haven’t met each other’s friends or family, or you only meet in groups and never on a date.
• The contact runs on their timing. You hear from them late in the evening, or when they’re free, and rarely the other way round.
• One or both of you is still on dating apps, and you don’t talk about it.
• You aren’t in their photos, online or off.

A 23-year-old interviewed by the Singapore magazine Rice Media in 2019 described hers this way: “He didn’t want to say ‘I love you’, didn’t want to call me his girlfriend, didn’t want to call it a relationship. But we were definitely spending every single day together.” The writer listed the features her interviewees shared: no labels or commitment, not talking about feelings, never meeting each other’s friends, and no shared photos on social media.

Why situationships are common

Part of the answer is choice. Norman Li, a psychology professor at Singapore Management University who studies mate preferences, told Rice Media that people “can now encounter [on the internet] up to hundreds if not thousands of potential mates in a single day”. He said that having so many perceived options “reduces the desire to commit to any one partner”. People still want closeness, he added, “but just that the commitment aspect of relationships is diminished”.

Part is that a situationship asks less of you. Nobody has to risk the conversation, so nobody has to hear no. And sometimes the two people want different things. One is happy as things are, and the other is waiting for it to become more.

That last case is common among people who want to settle down. In the government’s Marriage and Parenthood Survey 2021, 80% of single respondents aged 21 to 35 said they intended to marry (Strategy Group, Prime Minister’s Office). If you’re one of them and your situationship has gone on for months, it’s fair to ask whether it’s heading there.

Is a situationship ever a good idea?

It can be, when both people want the same thing from it. Some people want company without a commitment for a while: after a breakup, during a busy year, or before a move. If you both know that and say it, nobody is misled.

A situationship goes wrong when the two people want different things and nobody says so. The person who wants more waits, and months can pass. If you read this and recognise yourself as that person, the rest of this guide is for you.

How to ask “what are we?”

Choose a calm time in person, not by text and not in the middle of an argument. Then keep it short and about what you want, not about what they’re doing wrong:

• “I’ve enjoyed the last few months. I’m looking for a relationship that’s heading somewhere, and I’d like to know if you want that too.”
• “I’d like us to be exclusive. How do you feel about that?”
• “I want to get married in the next few years. Is that something you see for yourself?”

Then listen. A clear yes is a good sign. A clear no is painful, but it’s also useful: it tells you where you stand. The answer to be wary of is the vague one: “Let’s not put a label on it”, “I’m not ready right now but maybe later”, “Why does it have to be serious?” If you hear that, ask once more for a plain answer. If it stays vague, treat it as a no.

How to get out of a situationship

1. Decide what you want before the conversation. If the answer is “a committed relationship”, you’ll know what to do when you hear their answer.
2. Say it once, clearly. “I want more than this, and I don’t think you do. I’m going to stop seeing you.”
3. Make a clean break. Mute or archive the chat for a while. Late-night “how are you?” messages are how many situationships restart.
4. Tell a friend what you’ve decided. Once you’ve said it out loud, it’s harder to go back.
5. Give yourself time before you start meeting new people. A few weeks is enough for many people; take more if you need it.

How to avoid the next one

Situationships grow when nobody says what they want. The fix is to say it early.

• Say what you’re looking for on the first or second date. “I’m looking for something long-term” is a normal thing to say, and the right person won’t be put off by it.
• Ask about the big plans early: children, marriage timing, faith, where you’d like to live. Our guide to green flags and red flags in dating explains why a different plan is a mismatch rather than a red flag, and why it’s better found in week three.
• Watch actions more than words. Someone who wants a relationship makes plans with you, introduces you to friends and is easy to reach.
• Set yourself a time limit. If you’ve been seeing someone for two or three months and still don’t know what you are, ask.

Where Steade fits

Steade is a free dating service for adults in Singapore who want a committed, long-term relationship. It’s built for people looking for a long-term partner. When you join, you answer questions about children, marriage timing, faith and money, and some combinations never lead to an introduction: someone who wants to marry in the next two years is never introduced to someone who isn’t sure marriage is for them. See why Steade asks about these.

Every Tuesday and Friday at 8 pm, Steade looks for one person who meets what you both said matters, and sends you at most one introduction with up to three plain reasons. You have 48 hours to accept or pass, and chat opens only if you both accept. Every member’s identity is checked, and there is no paid tier. You can create your account or read how Steade works.

Frequently asked questions

What is a situationship?

A situationship is a romantic relationship that neither person has defined or committed to. The Oxford Learner’s Dictionary defines it as “a romantic relationship in which the couple are not official partners”. The two people may see each other often and be close, but they don’t call it a relationship or make plans for the future.

What are the signs of a situationship?

No label, and you avoid asking for one. No plans beyond the next week or two. You haven’t met each other’s friends or family. Contact happens on one person’s schedule. One or both of you is still using dating apps, and you don’t talk about it.

How long does a situationship last?

There’s no set length. Some end in weeks, and some go on for years. If you’ve been seeing someone for two or three months and still don’t know what you are, it’s reasonable to ask directly. A vague answer after that question usually means the situation won’t change.

Can a situationship turn into a relationship?

Sometimes, when both people want it to and one of them says so. Ask plainly whether they want a committed relationship. A clear yes followed by changes you can see, such as plans, introductions to friends and being exclusive, is a good sign. A vague answer usually isn’t.

How do I get out of a situationship?

Decide what you want first. Then tell the other person once, clearly and kindly, that you want more and are going to stop seeing them. Mute the chat for a while, tell a friend what you’ve decided, and give yourself a few weeks before you start dating again.

Related guides

• Green flags and red flags in dating: what to look for early
• Dating app fatigue in Singapore: why it happens, what helps
• Where to meet singles in Singapore
• Dating in Singapore when you want something serious